Monday, January 29, 2007

Random Pictures I Forgot To Add Sooner!!

Ever wondered how I work? No? Well, haha, I'm gonna show you anyways.

Lo and behold, people of the world, my super-messy desktop!! YAY! And this is how it looks during one of its GOOD days, so haha, imagine that! Yeah, well, don't ask about the whole, "Pokemon" thing up there. I used to love 'em. Still would if it wasn't for the fact that the series was SOOOO repetetive.
This is a character from my original idea, "the Elementals". She's supposed to be the Earth element, but I haven't quite stuck to the idea... and I accept new ones for the character. I haven't named her either, but I'm thinking of something "earthy", y'know? The outfit was designed by my younger sister, with a little bit of tweaking by yours truly.

Okay. This is a character from my original story idea, "the Elementals". She's water/ice, as you may or may not have guessed by the way I expressed rough sea-waves in her hair. I actually sort of like this drawing, even though I took a really horrid picture of it. I used Faber Castell colour pencils and a pencil. Nothing else. I couldn't quite think of a suitable colour for her swim-suit, so I ended up with green (I dunno, sea-weed? Anyone? Anyone at all?)

This idea came from... absolutely no where. I was so bored and I had a few A4 -sized papers lying about, and a pencil in my hand... and so blah, blah, blah, suddenly it turned into THIS. Bada-boom. I, personally, adore this pic. The colouring sucks and there isn't a background, and even the artwork is kinda messy, but I still like it.

(Yes, I know, there is a HUGE flash in the middle. So bare with me. It was late, okay?)


This piece of artwork was made by (who else?) moi, late at night, when I was suddenly struck by inspiration and the need to resort to my inner "beast". LOL. If you compare this to the picture below (scroll down), you will find that this sick, horrible twisted freak, is actually the same innocent red-headed ten-year old, Detrix. Yes, I'm slightly sick in the mind. So live with it.

This is a drawing I made of my original characters, "The Magic Clan", when I was a wee-child. LOL. No laa. I made this when I was thirteen, which was about three years ago. Its not a very good picture, but I'm still quite proud. I did this through hard-work, paint and sweat... (as in I didn't use Photoshop or the PC for that matter. I literally drew and painted it from scratch!) Its my pride and joy!!

Am I Guilty??

Internet has been down these past couple of days; thus the reason for my super-long absense from my precious PC. I've been absent from school as well because my mum was sick due to the sudden abnormal rise in her blood-pressure. It was super-scary when I first found out.

Anyways...

My dad has just announced that I'll be getting RM200 for my PMR results. YAY! I'm SO excited. I've decided to add my previous RM300 to the amount and buy myself an MP4! FINALLY.

Sadly however, I won't be able to get my MP4 straight away. Though it was promised to be before Chinese New Year, I won't be able to buy it this weekend because I'll be attending the Girl Guides Camp, Camp Evolution.

Imagine that!

ME!

Noor Hannah, actually going for CAMP, at the school grounds, on my own free will!! WOAH!

Anyways, enough of that. Today, my friend, Mel, seemed to be mad at me. Well, not just today, but since last Wednesday after PJ... I think. I don't know for sure if she was mad, but I could tell by the way she spoke to me on Wednesday and the fact that she seemed to be ignoring me the entire time that she was pretty pissed.

Its scary.

She even chose to sit with another girl during Agama lesson, where we usually take the time to sit together.

... of course, its not that I don't mind. I can't kill her for the fact that she chose to sit with someone else, but the fact that she chose to sit with someone else without even mentioning it to me, or speaking to me during the entire two periods is the thing that kinda makes me pissed, y'know?

Naah, I don't hate her. Of course not. Its just... how would you feel if someone got pissed at YOU, no one else, and not know what you did wrong? You'd be asking the same questions I just did: "What did I do this time?", "Is it something personal?", "Is it MY fault??", and so on, etc.

Another thing that makes me pissed about the situation is that it has happened once before. This event two years ago had caused me to ignore her the entire next day. This event also caused me to separate myself from everybody else, and to have no real friends at all.

But, yeah, whatever.

She decided to speak with me in the end, so I guess we're cool.

Its just that the question is still bugging me continuously... "What did I do wrong?"

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Utada Hikaru-Simple and Clean (live)

This is the song I am currently using as my background music. Isn't it just lovely how she puts so much into her music? Yay, Utada Hikaru!

Monday, January 15, 2007

You Shall Not Make Me!

Two days ago I posted up the third chapter to my fic, "Mr Maybe". I dedicated the previous chapter to my good friend, Cafinatedangel13 from the US, and she was kind enough to dedicate a fic to me as well. I suggest, to anyone reading this, to check it out. Here's the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3341188/1/ Please, find the time to read it and review -- she's brilliant, and I totally envy her perfect English.

Anyways, aside from that...

Today is a Monday, meaning, first day of the school week. Blah, blah... whatever. I woke up with a huge... bump (or something like a bump) on my left eye.

GAH!

I stayed in the bathroom for 30 minutes, examining my disgusting sore eye. It looked like I had been punched by someone, and it felt a lot like it, too!

All throughout the school day I felt silly -- I kept clasping a hand over my eye and rubbing my temples and complaining... ugh. Stupid teenage angst. Stupid... blah!

Perhaps the cause of this huge... bump on my eye... is karma for something I had done... Though, if I were told to fix it, I'd have no idea what to do... because I don't even know what bad deed I had commited in the first place.

At school today I was given a few other "projects" to do, regarding the class. Curse myself for being the Ketua Kecerian!

At 11.40am we had this rumah sukan meeting (I have know idea what its called in English, so if you aren't Malaysian, and you're reading this, just nod your head and go, "oooh!"). I'm in the Yellow House, just like last year.

According to the teachers in charge, we have sports and cross-country practice on Wednesday.

If you had read my previous posts (preferably two years ago), you'd know how traumatized I am on the subject of sports...

I shall not run! You shan't make me!!!

NEVER, I say, NE-VER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Nada, Zip, Zilch, A Big Goose Egg!

Hmm. There really isn't much for me to say today. Its, like, 8.30am in the morning, so I haven't really got a day to talk about, if you know what I mean.

Last night I posted out the third chapter of "Mr. Maybe". I'm very unpleased with the outcome. All throughout the completion of the chapter my mind had been so jumbled up with... GAH... that I could not find it in myself to make it out right.

Hmm. This is very strange. For the first time in my blogging life, I have absolutely nothing to talk about.

Bah... whatever. Just check out this essay I wrote for English class. Its entitled, "An Unexpected Visitor". Rated PG-13 for safety. Supposed to be about... 350 words, but ended up a few thousand. Lol. I am SO not going to redo.

Anyways... whatever. Just check it out and comment me if you like, okay?

The room was dark and gloomy; its only source of light being the dull glow of a lone bulb, hanging delicately by a thread in the centre of the room.

There, sitting in the darkest, loneliest corner of the room was a girl with grey eyes and sweat-drenched, onyx-coloured hair that clung to her pale face. She wore a stoic expression – but her eyes told it all: the ghastly tale she was weaving beneath the grim of her emotionless façade – she was terrified.

Tears ran down the cheeks of the pale, unnaturally thin young maiden. She grasped the hilt of a long, blood-stained blade, as though holding on for dear life. Her grey eyes were wide as she examined what lay before her...

Piles of dead bodies, stacked two-by-two, littered the cold, tiled floor of the bare room. Pools of fresh blood, that seemed to have sprouted out of their bodies, coated the floor beneath them.

The girl bit back a cry of anguish, as she slowly picked herself up from her position in the corner.

This pain... this death... this whole tragedy had been caused by her own doing. Assasin to one of the largest crime lords in present time, young Tyra Griffin had no choice but to kill every living being that stood in her master’s way – be it foe, or innocent bystander.

While most children had been living out their youths by playing with dolls, or perhaps even toy cars, Tyra had been trained by her uncle – the crime lord’s right-hand man – in the arts of killing.

Now, at the age of 17-years-old, Tyra Griffin still couldn’t find it in herself to get used to the sight of a tortured soul. No matter how many showers she took each day, she couldn’t wash the grime and blood that clung to her filthy, sinful skin.

That night – the night right after her twenty-fourth killing spree – Tyra sat in her bed, her newly-polished katana lying delicately on her lap. Grey eyes sunk down to inspect her fine weapon – she marveled at its excellence; stared and watched with great interest as the blade of her katana gleamed beneath the light of the pale, half-moon outside her bedroom window.

This sword had been given to her by her father... it was the last piece of him that she kept with her at all times. Without it, Tyra felt naked and incomplete – it was as if she was a piece of meat without her ever-trusty weapon; a target, just waiting to be killed unmercifully. When she held her sword to her chest, she felt powerful... as though, for once in her life, she was in charge. The hilt fit perfectly between her slender fingers, and felt like an extentment of her arm.

Suddenly, a new, raw emotion rippled through Tyra’s senses; she suddenly felt as though every nerve of her body had been struck and burned through a series of hot flames.

Tyra stood abruptedly; her sudden movement causing the sword to fall to the ground and produce a clatter that cracked the peaceful silence.

The emotion that had swept passed her before did not seem to pass, and Tyra suddenly felt very, very disgusted. She looked at her katana like it had been pure venom, and immediately kicked it aside with the side of her foot.

‘What have I done?’ sobbed the distressed girl, as she leaned against a wall and slid down to her knees a moment later. ‘I’ve... killed so many of them... they were all so innocent... just like...’

Tyra couldn’t bring herself to say it. She couldn’t find the guts to spit out the word “Mother”.

Clutching her sides, Tyra released her first real cry of deep anguish: she screamed to the ceiling, screamed to the sky, screamed to the Gods up above. She had even stood up and managed to fling every single inanimate object she could get her hands on over to the other side of the room. She watched with some sick, twisted amusement as the objects made contact against the wall and shattered into a million pieces.

Feeling satisfied, the deranged girl continued this strange process. She threw and broke and kept on going until there was nothing left in her room to destroy. Nothing, of course, except for the lone blade in the corner of her room.

Cautiously, Tyra moved for her victim. She paused when she had it in her hands; unsure of whether or not to do it.

In the end, the poor girl could not find it in herself to destroy the sword... her last link to her dead father.

Then, suddenly, it hit her: hit her like a ton of bricks.

Her eyes shone with sheer, blissful excitement; the only sick, unnatural type of excitement one would get when about to make a giant leap.

Tyra pressed the edge of her blade to her throat, closed her eyes, counted to three, and then...

‘No, Tyra! Don’t do it!’

Tyra spun around, expecting to meet her uncle and scream out to him in despair, ‘You can’t stop me’, but was instead met with the greatest surprise of her life. What she saw made her heart stop dead in its tracks. Her grey eyes widened to the size of small saucers.

‘D-dad...?’ she barely managed to choke out.

There, standing beneath the pale moonlight, was the luminous figure of her dead father. He looked just the same as usual; albeit for the fact that he was floating inches from the floor, and he was a ghost.

Tyra blinked, and slowly passed an arm through his chest, unable to contain her tears.

‘D-daddy...?’ she tried again.

Mr. Griffin smiled warmly at his daughter; luminescent tears running down his luminescent cheeks. If his image hadn’t been so shaky, Tyra would have noticed the rosy complexion he wore, as he gazed lovingly at his one and only child.

‘Don’t do it, Tyra,’ said her father, looking as though he could barely contain the emotion in his voice. Like he wanted to give her a great hug. ‘You’re my daughter. You’re better than that.’

‘But... daddy...’ replied Tyra, looking scared and uncertain. ‘The family lineage...?’

‘Is something you’re too good for,’ her father cut off. He wore a look of deep remorse as he continued on; ‘Please, Tyra. Don’t take the same road I did. You’re much too good for that. I don’t want to see you suffer in the Eternal Life. Please...’

He seemed as though he was begging. Tyra could do nothing more but nod slowly in agreement to his words.

‘But what about uncle?’ she whispered softly, as though a mere loud note would break the peace between them.

Tyra’s father smiled smoothly, as he slowly drifted closer to her. He ran a hand over her cheek; but Tyra was unable to feel his warm, calloused hand against her own skin.

‘D-daddy...?’ she repeated, but he was gone.

That night, Tyra Griffin had escaped the crime lord’s chamber. She fled into the city; blending with the millions of people and living a decent, ordinary life. She still felt naked, however, when she ran into the many strangers across the street without her sword. But everynight, she would make it a point to sit in her bed and stroke the lovely blade of her precious katana.

She no longer felt the sick, filthy emotion she once did whenever she came across it. Instead, she felt a new kind of emotion – hope.

That night, seventeen months ago, Tyra had lost everything... hope in life, hope in herself... She had expected a visit from the Grim Reaper that night, but was met instead by another, far more pleasant face.

Tyra would never forget the night she was met by the Unexpected Visitor.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Hair Dillema!

Its been a while since I've decided to post. I've been extremely busy... not to mention tired... with school work... Its the second week of school and all ready I'm getting myself into a whole bunch of trouble.

Yesterday I recieved a "surat amaran", which, in English, means "warning note". I was given the warning to clip my hair properly. I mean, what the...?

And you know what else? The teacher called me, "Noor Hamah".

Its HANNAH, dangit!

With TWO Ns!

Plus, for some reason, the prefect wrote my class under 4 SS 3! *cough* *splutter* *choke* How WRONG can you get?! For one thing, I'm in the SCIENCE stream, and for another, I'm in the SECOND class -- not the stinkin' third! AND, whats more, they put my "kesalahan" under 'rambut panjang bagi lelaki'.

WHAT!!

Do I honestly LOOK like a boy?!

And what the HECK is wrong with my hair?!

Just because I didn't clip it the other day doesn't mean it wasn't neat! I had it behind my ears for God's sake, I even managed to tie it all up! I've asked countless of people, some of which are prefects, and they all agree with me -- my hair was FINE!

Something was wrong with the disciplinary teacher. Does she have bad eyesight or something?! Everyone but him could see that my hair was just FINE, dangit!

Do you know how humilliating it is to sit in the front of assembly when everyone else had gone back to class, and listen to teacher drone on and on about how we're all "problem students".

HELLO!!

What the heck was MY problem, I'd like to know!

Errrgh. Great. Tomorrow I'm going to have to "melaporkan diri" after assembly together with my warning note. Yck!

This is an OUTRAGE!

A crime to humanity!

How DARE they!

I swear, this school is SO out to get me...

If my hair, clipped, tied, combed and NEAT tomorrow doesn't satisfy them, I swear I'm going to totally cut my hair. THAT, or I'll go all rebel and dye it all purple instead!

Serves those jerks right!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

All right. Sorry the last post was a tad... strange... but I just needed to straighten up some issues I have with myself.

Like I've said before: New Year, New Resolutions, aite??

Yeah. Onwards...

I've decided that, to change my way of life, I first had to change my perspective of it; I have to quit thinking that each and everyone is my enemy, and start to truly LOOK at myself. I realized today, when staring at the scorching hot sun for about an hour or two, wondering when the heck (realized I used "heck"?? *Winkwink!*) school would end, that the real enemies did not stand outside -- but inside.

I am my own worse enemy.

Sounds rather cliche and stupid, yeah? But definately true. And, referring to my previous post, "Hell Sent", the "Line Between" everything is very vague and unprofound, which is why I realize that I -- who I claim to be my one true friend -- am also my deepest, darkest enemy.

I bring myself down without knowing it. I harm myself from the inside out, just so the face inside, the one I claim to be my "friend", can get out and take control.

I suppose this is what they mean by, "The Dark Side".

I'm a heck of a lot happy that I've confronted my Evil at this age... though I must admit, the war is far from over. I have, of course, passed my first real battle by noticing the enemy, but I know now how far I am from becoming a whole new, better person: I just hope I don't kill myself along the way.

Oh, God. Anyone reading this must be going, "What the---??", but I don't care. Its my life. My blog. I can be as melodramatic as I want, right? Right.

Anyways, on to my sickening day (yes, yes, that which I have previously said is NOTHING to do with what happened today; so be warned! This is gonna be a LONG one!)

Today was the first day of school (Dun, Dun, DUN!!!).

I met up with an old friend, and got reacquainted and all that. We were sent to the hall for some briefings regarding our new subjects (I'm form 4 this year, we actually have a choice!).

I was given the choice between Pure Science, Sub Science and Art. Of course, I knew where my talents lie (which is Art), and of course, it was the OBVIOUS choice for a person the purely DESPISES Science.

Why I took Pure Science in the end?? I have NO idea.

Maybe it was because of my father. He told me, TWICE, through very LONG conversations that lasted til about midnight, how, if we took Science, our career choices will be wide open and ready for the taking. He said I can even get into Art School easily, which, in my case, is sort of a dream I wish to hold on to.

Which now brings me to another HUGE problem: What is my ambition?

God, I have NO idea. I had, at one time, wanted to be a famous writer, publish a great, best-selling novel, go into directing and co-producing the movie based on the novel and maybe even record my own album or start an acting career (okay, I am not saying that I'm cut out for show business, I'm just saying I wouldn't mind a taste of the limelight).

But now?? I have no friggen clue.

I'll just take Pure Science and the additional two subjects; Art and English Literature, and hope for the best. Perhaps, with decent luck, I'll be one to go with the flow of things? (Though I seriously doubt it)

Anyways. School. Yeah.

Even the sound of it makes me shudder -- with disgust or fear? I don't know.

I won't say that today was a bad one -- it started off rather good, in my case. But it wasn't exactly a great one either. I felt... alone.

I don't know. I mean, I've lived for years with the feeling of loneliness: why the heck was I starting to feel bad now? Perhaps it was because I was expecting something different -- something better this time round....

... perhaps I was wrong to expect anything at all.

Hmm. I'm just being silly. I don't know. But you have to understand -- I'm the type of person who has never actually had a real, long-lasting friend (except of one, of course). Each time I feel like I've been starting to fit in, I either move or... something comes around and snatches my happines... my glory... away from me.

I don't wish to live this way forever, and I try my best each year to fix it. In a way, I suppose I have made some progress, aite? From the time, when I just came back from America, when I was all alone -- now I've got a group of friends. I should be glad, right??

To bad I'm not one to be completely satisfied with anything.

I keep telling myself, however: "Beggars can't be choosers!", but I just can't find it in myself to grasp that one stupid concept. I can't... can't help but feel the urge to scream outloud and cry, going; "I don't need you! I don't need ANYONE!"

I guess what I'm trying to say is that... I've always immagined God to have better things instored for me. For me to be the type who would not bear to live in a mediocre life, with a mediocre family, a mediocre wage...

I can't bear to have a life like most women; grow up, get married, forever stay a house wife and tend to the need of three whining little brats and one egoistic husband.

Yck.

That is SO not the life for me.

What I want is grand and sparkly. I want to be in the middle of great historical things!

Oh, wow. LOL. This has been one heck of a page. I guess I should say sayonara for now. I don't want this to be broken up into two posts or something...

Hell Sent

The line between right and wrong,
Good and bad,
Truth and lies,
Loyalty and betrayal,
Is as thin, and probably doesn't even exist.

The day I had asked for a friend,
I was given an enemy.

I am my own best friend.
My best friend is my own greatest enemy.

I recognize these words from a song,
That potrays my situation almost perfectly.
I feel as though their is a face beneath my skin,
Itching and crawling to get out;
That face is my own.

Frail fingers sweep across a sick-looking face;
The same frail, unstable fingers that shake as they press themselves against
the mist-stained glass.

I hold my breath, but am unable to supress the small gasp that escapes my lips.

The face, looking back at me with an eerie expression,
Holds no warmth or comfort,
Just hatred.

I realize now, as I sink to the cold-tiled ground,
Colapsing to my feet,
Shivering with sheer horror,
That all those times I've angrily jutted fingers at people,
Claiming that THEY, indeed, are my enemy,
I have never looked at myself face-to-face,
And looked at my inner most largest fear:

The fear of losing my best friend to my hatred.

SHE was the one that told me I could rely on no one,
SHE was the one who told me that the world was full of nothing but
Lies and Sin,
SHE was the one who told me that one day
everything I ever loved and trusted,
would turn their backs on me,
leaving me stark naked, shivering cold on the edge of a jagged rock, ready to take the
final plunge.

SHE said I was all alone in this world.
SHE told me to push them all away now before they do so to me.
SHE told me that SHE was my only friend.
SHE told me that I could make it... that I could survive.

SHE was wrong.

I can't survive.

Not if I kept listening to HER lies.

SHE was the image that stared solemnly back at me through the bathroom mirror.

SHE was me...

Monday, January 01, 2007

The New Year and My 50th Blog Post!

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!

Today is a very special day for me; not only is it because of the New Year, but because this is officially my 50th post on 0blivi0us! Yay, me!

I'm soooo happy that I've decided I'm going to celebrate; and what better way to celebrate than through (yes, you guessed it) CHOCOLATE! Hmm... what do you think? Should it be a Crunchy or a Mars? I think I'm goin' Mars right now, LOL.

Anyways, to beckon in the start of the New Year, I've decided to write a resolution in ink -- well, not exactly, but I'll type it down so I'll always remember!

*Ahem*, moving on...

Hannah's New Year Resolutions:

1) Be a nicer person.

2) Be more positive in life.

3) Start saving money for a new MP4 player!!

4) Cut down on chocolate (that's gonna be tough)

5) No more afternoon naps.

6) Wake up early during weekends and holidays.

7) Treat others with more respect.

8) Find myself a new crush (honestly, I'm getting kind of tired of Ben Foster!)

9) Start getting more serious regarding school and studies!

10) Quit swearing on my blog. This is supposed to be a PG-13 thing!

Well, thats it I suppose -- my resolution for the year '07. Its gonna be a longshot, but I think I can do it. Hopefully, with the start of this New Year, I'll redeem myself in the sense of my bad grades and become a better person in more ways than one.

I think the most difficult tasks will be the first two ones (and, of course, the last one, because, apparently, I swear like hell through this blog!)

Don't worry fellow readers!

The next time we meet, you'll (hopefully) see a better person in me!

NWoF Guild

lonely
You are a dark girl. You have a really quiet and
really a i dont' care attitude. You like to be
alone and that is what you enjoy. You don't
like to be around others and you'd rather be
away from here. You have a get away from me
look and others find you bitchy and
self-rigious. You'd rather read than be at a
fair but that's ok because that's who you are.

Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
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